I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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