she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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