In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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