I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
