Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
