I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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