My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i out mim tonsoeep
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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