Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize