loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
