I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
