My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
