She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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