Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
