I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
