Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
