I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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