I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
