I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
