My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize