thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
