Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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