hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
