Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize