Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
