I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
