How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
