im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
