I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
