you have to choose: penises or morals?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
