if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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