I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
