If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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