Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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