I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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