How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
