I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy sore nipples Batman
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize