My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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