I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
