look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
