i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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