Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
