So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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