I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
