I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
