I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize