He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want to fling myself into the sun
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