oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
