If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
