To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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