She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
