booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
