thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
