Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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