your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
