I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You don't make any sense
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