I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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