Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize