I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
