i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
