During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
