Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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