Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
